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We've been close companions with a woman, who has faced and conquered many challenges, which I admire. But, she's repeatedly blindsided in relationships. Her spouse walked away, and it was a massive blow. Several of her friends vanished at that point, because they seemed drawn to him. She was stunned by her. She put in increased attention to be my friend, likely understood better the essence of true friendship.

A Recurring Theme With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, many close to her have drifted apart without her being certain of the reason. Her last employer turned on her, although she had been very skilled at her work, her exit happened not understanding why things shifted.

Current Dynamics

In recent times, we've both left the workforce leading to more time together, but I am finding the part I play between us is as the audience. I introduce discussion points only for her to redirect conversation onto her own topics. Regarding political views, she holds unyielding views. I try to propose verifying facts or other angles.

She has been arranging a trip abroad I know well on several occasions and lived in for some time. My intention was to offer advice, yet it was met with resistance. She essentially solely sought validation of her choices. I've just come back from four weeks there she hopes to reconnect, however, I hesitate.

Evaluating the Situation

I am unwilling in this role that walks away without a word, however, I feel she'll truly comprehend the effect of her actions on how I feel about myself. Currently, I am in avoidance mode. What should I do?

Potential Solutions

One option is to cut and run, yet this is not often the peaceful resolution we hope for. However, addressing it with the goal of working things out demands strength and readiness for each of you.

Experts suggest using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one requires explaining the usual pattern during your discussions. Aim for this to be objective and clear and basically an unbiased account. Next is to express how this makes you feel. This allows for no disagreement on this point. What you feel are your feelings, after all. Step three involves requesting how the two of you will alter the interaction between you."

Keep in mind she too has a point of view, thus requiring you to remain ready to hear that. An approach that works involves stating her:

"Now you talk while I will not say anything for 30 minutes."

It's wildly successful in fostering mutual respect.

Final Thoughts

This person could ignore your concerns, as some people have a “survival narrative”: they have a story of their life they're unable to release because their very survival relies on it and it represents they've known. It's tough as there is no easy route here, mere obstacles. But she may initially present defensively then consider your perspective. And even if you don't achieve an agreement, it provides closure knowing you were honest with her.